Blame the Scaly Greens
by Vampykitty-kun
Summary: After this, Roy was vowing to NEVER go drinking in Gotham, ever again. In fact, he was probably going to have to avoid Gotham all together if he planned on keeping his balls, because Batman was surely going to castrate him if he ever found out. Roy/Robin!Jason, Past Roy/Dick.


Prompt based on:

(563): 

Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?

Another part to my 'Texts From Last Night' string of fics. All of which end up slightly cracky, but oh well, lol.

Implied Underage, pre-reboot.

Ages: Dick- 20, Roy- 20, Jason- 14

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Dick awoke in his apartment to the shrill ringing of his phone. He moaned pitifully, reaching out from underneath the blankets, patting the nightstand next to the bed in search of the device. When his fingers finally brushed up against it, he snatched it up, bringing it into his cocoon of blankets with him as he flipped it open.

"ello'?" He mumbled, yawning as he rubbed at his eyes.

"Dick?"

"Roy?" He groaned, peeking out from beneath the blankets to glimpse at the alarm clock. "You realize that it's currently only five in the morning, right? You better have a damned good reason for calling this early, I only just got in two hours ago."

"I have a serious problem." The redhead whispered nervously into the phone.

"Well, no offense, but that's nothing new. But I'll bite, what is it this time?"

A long drawn out silence followed, and Dick gave a frustrated sigh.

"Man, spit it out so I can go back to bed… this something to do with that Cheshire woman again? Because I swear to god, I thought we went through this already."

Roy let out a whine on the other line.

"No… no, definitely not Cheshire…"

"Then what? What's the big deal Roy?"

"I'm trying to word this in a way that won't result in you killing me."

At this, Dick froze.

"Roy… what did you do?"

"Honestly? I'm not sure…and that my friend is the problem."

"Roy, you're worrying me."

"Ahead of time, I am so sorry, seriously."

"Roy."

"I don't know, really… I was having a hell of a night, maybe I mistook-"

"ROY!"

A yelp sounded from the other end of the line and the former Robin resisted a letting loose a very Batman-like growl.

"Okay, so… I woke up with your brother in my bed…where do I return him?" The redhead winced, waiting for the blow up as he stared down at sleeping boy… only, it never came, he was only met with silence. "Okay, now I know that this a bit much to handle, but you're scaring the shit out of me Dick. Say _something_."

"I- I'm not sure where to start." Dick groaned, clenching at his hair.

It was too early for this, and his mind was not prepared to handle the subject matter, not that Dick thought it would _ever_ be a good time to be hearing this…

"Can we start by me repeating that I have no recollection of last night's events past a certain time and that prior to my blackout I did NOT have a Boy Wonder in my vicinity?"

"No, let's start with the fact that you have a fourteen year old boy in your bed Roy." He snapped, sitting upright in his bed. "A fourteen year old that happens to be my brother of sorts, and therefor is the son of Batman. Not only is that completely illegal, and Batman will be beyond furious if he finds out, but THAT IS MY BROTHER! Roy, how could you?!" He hissed into the phone.

"I believe that we have gone over the fact that I DO NOT KNOW Dick!" Roy barked.

"Well maybe if you weren't out getting trashed, things like this wouldn't happen!"

"Well excuse me if I don't normally wake up with Robins in my bed!" Roy growled, then paused. "Well, not any time recent at least…"

"We're so not going there right now…" Dick groaned. "First off, does he have clothes on, or is he nude?"

"I have no clue. He's a blanket hog, in a cocoon, and I haven't had the nerve to check. I called you first thing when I woke up and saw him there."

"Well check now." Dick demanded.

"But-"

"No buts, just do it."

Dick squeezed the bridge of his nose as the line went silent other than the rustling of covers.

"Roy?"

"Just a sec, kid's got a death grip on the damned things… SHIT!"

"Roy!?"

A loud groan sounded, before Roy spoke again.

"Bastard socked me in the jaw!" The redhead gasped.

Dick could only roll over and laugh hysterically, earning a snarl from the man on the other line.

"This is serious Dick! Not funny at all!"

"No, it really isn't," Dick agreed, nodding to himself. "but that is so him. Sleeps like a rock and wakes up swinging. But did you get your answer?"

Roy snorted.

"He's wearing the Robin suit. Most of it anyway…"

"Meaning what exactly?"

"We have scaly greens, green under-armor, and an undone red tunic. Thank sweet merciful god for small miracles…"

"This doesn't change the fact that he's still in your bed, not at home, missing half a costume, but I'm considerably less pissed and worried. It's a start." He sighed. "Wait… where exactly are you? You're not is Star City are you?" Dick asked, quirking a brow that the other could not even see.

"Nah, to my knowledge I am in Gotham, one of Ollie's safe-houses. Was in the area, and you've got places out here that don't bother carding."

"Even better. Here's what you do… wake his ass up, interrogate him, and send him on home. Then give me a call and tell me what the hell happened. I'm going to get a few more hours of sleep, and then I'm going to Gotham to have a nice long brotherly chat with him about how things like that are _not_ to happen again, regardless of the circumstance of this situation. That also means for you to tell the truth as I'll find out anyway."

"Because if someone had told _you_ things like that were not to happen you would have _soooo_ listened." Roy chuckled.

"That is beside the point, Jason is _not_ me. And you need to hush, I'm not the one who woke up next to a fourteen year old."

"Of course not. _You_ were the jailbait in scaly green hot pants." The redhead quipped.

Dick only sighed.

"First off, whenever _I_ was jailbait, everyone else was as well. I have nothing to do with this."

"Yeah, you were just the one running around in those panties with that ass of yours and those legs. You barely wore more than Donna. At times I was torn between who to look at. Thankfully she agreed with me. You were fun to watch. We could have used popcorn at times."

Dick let the growl break free and he rubbed a temple.

"Goodbye Roy… and remember, the truth."

"Wait!"

And with that, Roy was left alone with the dial tone and one tightly cocooned Boy Wonder.

He stared down at the bundle of blanket and sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Let's try this again, shall we?" He grumbled to himself, taking hold of the edge of the bed sheets.

Ten minutes, several dodged punches, and a knee to the gut later, Jason was sitting up in the bed with Roy doubled over in front of him.

"Haven't you ever heard of sleep?" The boy growled, rubbing at his eyes.

Roy gaped at him, and sputtered as he rambled off.

"Sleep?! You want to talk about sleep? What the HELL are you doing here?"

Jason stared at him with half lidded, tired eyes, and titled his head.

"Mmm? You don't remember? Guess you were a bit more loaded than you let on. Pity. Good times." The teen yawned, pressing his back up against the pillows.

Roy blanched, staring across at him.

"So…what exactly went on between me arriving at Black Bass and…well, now?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" The teen quipped, smirking at the redhead.

"Dammit Kid! Be serious you little punk! Do you know what it was like to have to call Nightwing and try and explain this? He must have had a really long night, because he hung up on me after I told him you still had clothes on."

Jason grimaced, a lip curling up at the thought.

"You called Dickie-bird? Eww, way to kill the morning. Now I'm going to have to sit through some hypocritical lecture."

"Well, what would you have done after waking up from a drunken stupor to find one of your best friends' younger siblings in your bed with no recollection of how it happened, not knowing WHAT happened?" The redhead huffed, rubbing at his stomach.

"Tch, unlike you it seems, my tolerance for liquor makes me more than capable of remembering things the next day. Unfortunately, there have been many times I wish it wasn't as good as it is. Forgetting would be nice sometimes." He shrugged.

"You're fourteen!"

The teen shrugged.

"Point? Don't know what Big Blue's told you, but life ain't all sunshine and rainbows out on the street, let alone in Gotham. But from what I've heard, you know that damn well, so don't try and preach." He growled.

Roy only sighed, and hung his head in his lap.

"Look kid… I need to get going, you need to get home, and Dick's going to be at the manor later today. Just fill me in on the last several hours of my fucked up life and we can get this show on the road." He muttered

Jason stared blankly at the man for a moment, giving a defeated sigh before crossing his arms.

"Fine? You really wanna know? Batman's away on League business. I was patrolling. Should I have been? No. But I was bored. So I snuck out. Ran around town a bit, roughed up some thugs, then got sentimental and felt the need to run around old turf. What do I find? An 'Arrow' in Gotham. Which was seriously stupid of you, because your senses are muddled big time when you're tanked, since you didn't notice these idiots following you outta the bar. Had I not stepped in, you'd have been eating pavement."

"Yeah… last I remember I think I was playing pool."

"Good for you. Evidently must have done well if they were pissed at you. Anyway, so I figure, I know you, you know me, and I'm bored. Why not hang for a bit? You were upright and walking fine on your own. We got here, chilled for a bit, then you got all tired, and bam! Sleep time it was." Jason grinned. "You even let me smoke without pitching a fit. Everyone's always ragging on me about that."

Roy blinked.

"Oh. That's all?"

"Yeah, pretty much"

And Roy suddenly felt incredibly stupid, flush blazing across his face.

"I see…"

He could already hear Dick laughing hysterically at him…

"Okay, so seriously, is Dick _really_ gonna show up later, or were you just yanking my chain?" The teen asked hesitantly, crawling out from beneath the sheets and planting his feet on the floor.

Roy sighed and grimaced.

"Afraid so kid. I kinda spooked when I woke up to see I wasn't alone."

"Oh man… he's totally going to talk my ear off…" Jason groaned, padding across the room.

"If it makes you feel any better, the next time he sees me he's probably still going to slug me for this whole thing."

Jason snorted, picking one of his gloves up off the floor, and sliding it on. He walked over to a chair nearby to retrieve the other, and pulled his belt out from underneath the bed. Roy raised an eyebrow at the teen and laughed as he watched him re-fasten his tunic front and clasp his belt back around his waist before reaching for his boots tucked away under the window sill next to his own. He watched silently, unable to help his grin, as Jason slid the pixies on over his feet and wrenched the window open.

"You know, Bats should really get you a new suit. Looks cute and all when you guys are tiny, but a bit inappropriate now."

Jason paused with a hand on the window frame and turned back towards man with a lewd grin.

"Really? Didn't think so last night." He chuckled, placing a hand on his hip. "In fact, you seemed to be _really_ fond of these…" He smirked, sliding his thumb beneath the waistband of his 'shorts', tugging and letting it release with a soft crack.

Roy's eyes bulged and he gaped at the boy as he hopped through the window.

"…wait…JASON!" He sputtered after him, rising from the bed.

He was only met with cackling laughter as the window slammed shut and the boy disappeared into the shadows of the outside world.

Roy could only groan as he banged his forehead on the wall.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"So what's the verdict?" Dick chuckled as he shuffled through the kitchen prepping his coffee.

The redhead groaned at the other end of the line.

"I… honestly have no clue…" he muttered.

"Thought you said he left already?"

"He did."

Dick let out a ragged sigh.

"I thought I specifically told you to find out before letting him go!"

"I did! And what he said sounded perfectly innocent!"

"Then… what's the problem?"

"He trolled me. He sat there, found all his crap, I made a comment about how ridiculous that outfit is in general, and he made implications that I _liked_ his shorts!"

"Well… you do _like_ them." Dick stated bluntly. "At least, you did on me."

"I thought we weren't going there?"

"We're not." Dick chuckled. "Just trying to make a point. But regardless, like you said, he was trolling. Seriously Roy, you would know if something else happened. That sort of thing leaves evidence. You know that."

"True…" Roy had to agree.

"Now, stop worrying, get on with your morning, and get to where you need to be. I'll see you when we all get together tomorrow. Relax a bit."

"Sure thing. I'll go do that." He chuckled, clicking his phone shut. "Man… what a morning!"

Roy yawned, casting a tired glance at the tangle of sheets strewn across the bed, shaking his head.

Talk about nearly having a heart attack…

With a sigh, he stretched, and made his way to the bathroom ready to jump in the shower and just forget that this particular morning ever happened.

He cranked the water up full blast, adjusting the temperature ever so slightly, and letting it run briefly before he hopped in. He groaned with content, letting the hot water beat down on his back as he scrubbed himself clean and washed his hair.

When he was done with his shower, that he had drawn out as long as possible, he turned the water off and slipped a towel around his waist as he stepped out. He shivered at the rush of cold air and hobbled over to the sink, soaping up his face, and wetting his razor.

As he made the first swipe up with the disposable blade, he stared into the mirror and froze, noticing two things at once.

Firstly, that was most definitely Robin's cape in the laundry hamper.

And second, that was totally a hickey on his neck.

The razor slipped from his hand and clattered down into the sink as he stared wide eyed in horror.

He was officially a dead man…

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

That's it!

However if I get enough people asking for it, I might just write the 'What Really Happened' chapter. But that remains to be seen.


End file.
